WE WILL SOON REALIZE WE CANNOT EAT MONEY ~ Cree Proverb

Sits on my dashboard right in front of the passenger seat should it ever be occupied.

Today’s musing is inspired by my 91 year old father AND Agnes, a sweet 88 year old woman I met at 7 am in Tim Horton’s yesterday morning. She walked by me as I was setting up shop with my computer and started talking with me, saying that she didn’t envy our generation’s use of these things, meaning smart phones and computers. I chatted with her for a few minutes and then asked her to join me. She did briefly, explaining that she had to do her crossword for the day. I said, “Why don’t you go do that and keep your brain exercised and then come and join me for a fresh cup of coffee.” She came back about 40 minutes later with a completed puzzle. It was so sweet to see, because my mom after having had her stroke in 2013, taught herself after losing her right side functions in part, how to write with her left hand so that she could do her puzzles, knit, and Jingo. May all the blessings be to these elderly folks who have kept their brains sharp doing these little exercises. My mom transitioned with ALL her cookies at 87 and my Dad still has all his at 91. Guess I’ve got some mental astuteness genes to grow old into if I keep my brain at the “gym.” ūüėČ

A topic Agnes and I stumbled upon quite early in our conversation was about the dire state of affairs in our country that is evident to all who have their eyes open. (Believe it or not, there are still MANY wearing the blinders, some so thick and heavy that even if they wanted to take them off, they couldn’t!)¬†She expounded upon all the things she has seen since 1929. She was a very young girl during the great depression and an orphan to boot. She witnessed how without community help, people perished. From infancy to age six she was in an orphanage and those years were hell to her. “People had an entirely different mentality towards money back then and the barter system was in full swing during the depression.”¬†In a nutshell, Agnes really traced all the problems we currently are experiencing back to GREED. AND I COULD NOT AGREE MORE.

This particular blog is very relevant for me. Good friends of mine know that when I travel, I budget accordingly. On this latest trip to Maine and Nova Scotia, I ended up crossing the border from Canada with $2.37 back on September 20th after nearly a month in Canada and after eating rice and beans for 10 days straight! (However, I didn’t really care because what I was doing was far more important than what I was eating!)¬†After crossing at 6 am, I had to wait until 9 am for my friend “Kitty’s”Paypal gift to arrive in my account so that I could fill up my gas tank to get to my destination in Belfast where my “good mechanic” was. I was exhausted. The main reason I was SO exhausted was because I got ROBBED BLINDLY by a mechanic in Nova Scotia and had spent the last 7 days struggling with a van that would stall at all times, going 60 mph on the highway or just when idling and would not stop not to be restarted until waiting 20-30 minutes for it to cool down.¬†¬†(Please if you are reading this, DO NOT EVER GO TO “JEFF’S OLD VOLKS HOME” in East Chester, Nova Scotia!)¬† It sure is a funny and clever name and one might expect an older dude with a beard and dirty coveralls to come out with a screwdriver and ask with what he might be able to help. Instead, I walked into a brand new building with meticulously uniformed employees that began their work day at 8 am ON THE DOT. The work orders were all neatly lined up on the desk and in the pit of my stomach I had a bad feeling… And ever since that day, I WILL NEVER, EVER NOT LISTEN TO MY GUT AGAIN. And Jeff??? When called on the FACT that he charged me almost $700 and didn’t fix the problem, after two trips and charging me almost double for labor that I recorded while waiting right there at his shop, he proceeded to recite some legal jargon to me about his policies when I called him on it all… ARROGANT PRICK is what I call men like him… Money hungry to boot to pay for everything brand spanking new at his OLD Volks Home. It’s quite ironic, no? By the way, the BEST mechanic, Iain Pottle at the Beetle Shop in Belfast, Maine had my van for two days after the Jeff’s Old Volks Home fiasco and only billed me $123.00 to fix the problem. Now, that to me is good and FAIR business. He treated me like a human being who had experienced a lot of trouble with a single problem and was committed to finding out what that problem was, not just treating me like another number who he could bill to at $100/hr especially because they were “on the road” and would probably never see you again… Bravo, Iain.

The fabulous Iain Pottle and Stacie in Belfast Maine.

I have to keep wondering when people are going to realize that the love of money (AKA GREED) is going to be the death of us as humanity, especially in the Capitalistic West? What are people going to do when the paper stuff is no longer worth anything? Recently, when I needed $360 to be lent to me to pay the crook in Nova Scotia, amongst five I asked for help, two of my friends stepped forward with their credit cards – my accountant who did my #’s for many years in San Francisco, and my soul sister, Silvia in Austria who I have known and LOVED since 1994 when we ventured to Croatia to work with the Bosnian refugee children in the camps. Both of these folks and I share the same heart space and we all know that MONEY IS JUST AN ENERGY. When one hangs onto it, one does not welcome more of it, rather constricts the flow. I did lose a 24 year friendship over someone’s inability to extend a very temporary loan to me for that repair. And I simply have to chalk it up who I NEED in my life as we continue to head into what are apparently very dire times in our country due to intense natural disasters and our government not doing a thing to actually serve it’s people as it was intended to by our forefathers. GREED HAS DESTROYED CONGRESS. GREED IS SITTING IN THE OVAL OFFICE. GREED IS SUGGESTING a 700 BILLION increase in defense while leaving single payer heath care on the back burner.¬† BIG $$ IS OIL. BIG $$ IS PHARMACEUTICALS. BIG $$ IS INSURANCE. BIG MONEY HAS CORRUPTED OUR GOVERNMENT BEYOND RECOGNITION…

Yes, the Universe seems to be accomplishing a natural weeding out process for me, a natural selection of sorts, leaving those of like-mind and heart AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, those who are concerned first and foremost with their fellow human’s¬† well-being! Nope, we certainly will NOT be able to eat currency. So, what are YOU going to do? Are you going to insert a piece of coal up your butt and wait and hope until it might turn into a diamond? Or are you going to step forward and see your fellow humans in need and extend a form of energy to them that will not always be available or any other for that matter if it is terribly excruciating to part with the green stuff $$$ After all these years, I simply am left wondering in disbelief how people cling so desperately to money. How much does one actually need? And if you are saving for a rainy day? Remember, some place on this earth it is raining. ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER, IT IS IN GIVING THAT WE RECEIVE… OPEN YOUR HEART AND GIVE SOMETHING TO SOMEONE TODAY, PLEASE?

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I CERTAINLY WANT¬†
GOOD 
KARMA IN THESE CHALLENGING TIMES ūüôā

Namasté

Posted in 45, ARMAGEDDON, GOLDEN RULE, GOVERNMENT, GREED, IGNORANCE, LIES, Native Americans, politics, RECOVERY, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend, TRAUMA, VW VANAGON REPAIR Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

WHAT ABOUT US?

WHAT ABOUT US ? ? ?

Posted in Barbara A Ruof, CHURCH, GOVERNMENT, Spiritual awakenings, SPIRITUALITY, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend

ARMAGEDDON – the LIGHT vs the dark

My beloved sister Barb now in Spirit took me by the hand when I was quite small, 7 or 8,¬† and told me not to believe that bible stuff, to trust that life after death did indeed exist, but that it was not about going to heaven or hell. She tried very tenderly to put me on the path of Spirituality and appreciation for the finer “things” in life. She often took me to the Albright Knox Art Gallery, the Museum of Science and also always validated my love of the outdoors and animals. Many years later when I visited San Francisco for the first time, she took me to the Spiritualist Church with her where we received readings from the reverends who delivered messages from loved ones in “on the other side.” I was always fascinated how Spirits gravitated towards her, my great aunt Anna who died of Cancer in the late 70’s and then my grandmother when she passed in the late 80’s both visited her often. My readings were often ambiguous, which I see at that time was exactly my connection to the Spirit world. Nonetheless over the years, after having a horrendous experience as a teenager with a “born again” family member, I gravitated much more towards things that were Spiritual.

It was in my late 20’s, while some of my friends who grew up in tumultuous households such as mine were reaching towards psychotherapists, that I was making the occasional visit to a psychic or going for long walks by large bodies of water and connecting deeply to the peace I felt around it. I did things like hypnotherapy and totally believed in past lives. I also really started to explore what Spirituality really meant TO ME, my own brand so to speak. I delved into Buddhism and Hinduism for a while. What I found after studying quite a bit was seemingly one common element, the belief in a love so vast, the Universe could not contain it! I have always been a swimmer, and being an extra large Pisces astrologically, water is my home or calming element. I always went to Lake Erie growing up and when I moved to San Francisco full time in 1992 at age 28 (my Saturn return) I had all the water I needed, plus the most diverse, cosmopolitain and gorgeous city in our country. When I felt troubled about something, I ventured to the ocean and let the waves wash over me metaphorically and sometimes physically. The negative ions soothed my physical body and calmed my soul. I also began to study body, energy and breath works to connect deeper to myself and others. My book takes time to describe some of these journeys and I will just say in attempting to close this thought, that I have ALWAYS been Spiritual, never Religious. That old saying comes into play here that “Religion is for those who fear hell and Spirituality is for those who have been there!”

As a young child, I remember feeling a deep connection to the Native Americans and to all “God’s” creatures. The Seneca Indians used to have a daily dance at the Fair and Exposition which ran for 8 days in mid August in our county Erie of Western New York. Back then they were called Indians ūüėČ and there were two tribes that had settled in this area, the Seneca and the Erie. I remember getting a small replica of a drum when I was little and my animal totem was a black bear. (I still have Barry BlackBeary although he is falling apart.) Their traditional clothing fascinated me, especially the footwear, and I always wanted my hair to be long and thick, just like the beautiful Native American women. In the summer of 1999 when I sat in “CHURCH” with the Native Americans in a teepee in Oregon, around a blazing fire pit, with song, and peyote ceremony that took place from sun down to sun up on the summer solstice, I realized exactly why I had always felt so connected to the Natives. In that teepee, I truly saw THE Truth or what some refer to as “God.” The Natives had welcomed me into their ceremony as one of their own and I felt SO privileged.¬† To this day, it was probably the single most life-altering experience I have had. It is described in detail in my book. But why do I favor the Native American “Religion” so much? Because it is all about our earth and the creatures that inhabit it. There’s the utmost respect for all that comes from our mother, all our “ancestors” that came before us and for all who will come after we leave our mother.¬†

The question today is… Why do I think Religion is such bullshit? (Because it was developed by man for man because there needed to be some form of mind control. Heaven forbid we should all discover that we have all the power of the Universe accessible to us!) We are ALL Spiritual first and foremost. Because we just are, end of story. We are born of Spirit and it is proven that our Spirit leaves our body to return to the Universe when we die. SEE THIS ARTICLE for some interesting reading. The point I am trying to make is that we are ALL energy, just energy embodying physical forms. Einstein said we could never understand it all and I would never ever claim to. I just know what I feel intuitively. And what I feel intuitively about the times that we are living in is exactly what Dr Christiane Northrup said that was quoted in my last blog. That the LIGHT is accelerating. That is hitting us so fast and hard that the Darkness has no choice but to be exposed, to come out of hiding. Since the eclipse, the storms of fire and water have intensified. Our political climate is extremely volatile. The energy is heating things up. Fires, floods, hurricanes, disasters… I tend to believe that a lot of this has to do with the anti-Christ that some elected as the POTUS. (He’s not mine.) But what is for sure is that Mother Nature is rip shit angry. There have been jokes about her going off her meds…. This is no joke folks. This is her saying WTFU NOW before I release the Hell that has no fury on y’all. My heart goes out to all the innocent people effected by the natural disasters of late. And because we are a collective consciousness, it is time for us to ALL wake up and do the next right thing. To be present in the moment. To stop being so concerned with materialism, technology and other bullshit. Our planet is crying and human lives are being lost. STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO! What you better do is learn how to hunt, fish and grow. Learn how to purify water. Learn how to build shelter. Because water doesn’t come from the faucet and food from the store. Because Armageddon seems to be knocking on the door. That’s why… Namast√©¬†~¬†Mit√°kuye Oy√°s‚ÄôiŇ謆(All Are Related)

Posted in ARMAGEDDON, CHURCH, DEATH, Depression, Emotions, ETERNAL LIFE, Faith, LIGHT, NATIVE AMERICAN, PEYOTE, Religion, SPIRITUALITY Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!

Come on out Sisters, wave your flags and speak your truth!

“The revelations about Harvey Weinstein have stuck a deep cord within me. Not because this kind of thing is anything new, but because, for the very first time in my lifetime, our society is not protecting a powerful and rich sexual predator– and neither is his wife. Or the media. Why? Because women have finally become strong enough and empowered enough collectively to risk telling the truth. And instead of backing down, we are rising in support. The tide is really turning.¬†Back in the 1980’s when I was starting out in practice, I saw the toll that silence about abuse takes on women’s bodies. I noticed that many women with conditions such as chronic pelvic pain had been sexually abused. My colleagues denied this and told me my patients were “crazy” and that they only saw “normal” women. I persisted in telling the truth. And it cost me. But over time, my observations have become mainstream and we have the data to prove it. Long ago, Sonia Johnson who wrote From Housewife to Heretic, wrote, ” Women are rising like yeast all over the planet.” And indeed– that yeast has just taken a quantum leap. Predators beware. Your days are numbered. I know we have a long way to go still. But– women have been oppressed for about 5000 years. And we only got the right to vote in the US in 1919. ( which passed by only one vote and was not an easy battle.)

The change is speeding up– the light is getting lighter. Quickly. And that is why the Dark is fighting so hard to maintain control. Trust the light. You with me?” Dr Christiane Northrop

Namasté

IT”S SIMPLY TIME TO WAKE UP GALS!
The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend is currently taking new members.

Artwork by Phyllis DeJohn, best friend of Barbara A Ruof

Posted in 45, ASSWIPE IN CHIEF, Depression, Dignity, Faith, GOLDEN RULE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIGHT, RECOVERY, Spiritual awakenings, SPIRITUALITY, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend, Vaccine Damage Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

DIARY OF AN ANGRY WHITE WOMAN WHO TAKES NICE PICTURES :-)

Final sunset unaltered, Lake Megunticook – Camden, Maine – 9/22/17

I’m finding it quite interesting how folks have been offering up their opinions about my anger and how it is directed, especially those who have not taken the time to read my blogs and have only seen my “pukes” on SaveFacebook. Really now, heaven forbid one should be angry and actually write about it or express it?¬†[ Shhhh. Don’t let them see that. What will the neighbors think? ]¬†Part of my work on this planet in this lifetime is to bring awareness to the beauty of the planet through my imagery. In essence, it is about saying, “Take a look at this. If we don’t wake up as a collective consciousness, this ain’t gonna be here much sooner than later.” So, my writing in many ways, and not anything but pulling straight up punches, is about the things I feel people are still not seeing, about pointing out moral and ethical wrong doings, about calling out “blowhards” like these straight, white, male, rednecks I went to High School with when I get called a “rug muncher” or an “angry lesbian” or a “man hater” or a “sensitive pussy.” Sorry, I am just not evolved enough to sit back and send compassion to such ignorance who still in 2017 judges anyone by their sexuality or the color of their skin, heaven forbid. Nope, not there yet. May never be.Its clear to me that often one gets more reward in life with sugar than vinegar. This is not a time for sugar coating anything, my friends…¬†(that is those who truly still qualify.)¬†Just a little aside here…There is a fabulous photographer named¬†Dewitt Jones¬†and his tag line is “Celebrate What’s Right with the World.” I strive to photograph like Dewitt and put that message out there with my imagery. My writing obviously addresses other “issues” I feel need to be focused on to be able to¬†KEEP CELEBRATING WHAT’S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!”

 

I’m not going to apologize for being brash or a hard ass any longer. However, if someone steps forward that feels I have personally offended them, I will certainly listen. Maybe some feel like I just let loose, but if I have actually offended anyone personally, I will certainly take it to heart and most likely 99% offer you a most sincere apology and look to see how I can better phrase what I write or say. Mostly, I just write my free flowing thoughts and feelings to humanity at large. And if you haven’t figured it out by now, one of my biggest issues with humanity at large in this day and age, is¬†THE INABILITY TO¬†BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT.¬†The second is¬†IGNORANCE. Ex. Mona and I were driving to a Dr’s appointment the other morning and on the I-90 where the 400 splits off to East¬†Aurora, a woman cut across 3 lanes of traffic and then slammed on her brakes to make the exit when she was in front of my slow house that doesn’t stop on a dime. Needless to say, I had to SLAM on the brakes and everything, including poor little Mona and myself, went flying.¬†THAT is the perfect example of not being present.¬†Whatever she was doing that caused her to do such a thing at the last moment, caused not only myself and my sweet animal shock, but a few other drivers as well.

We are a nation GUILTY of NOT BEING PRESENT and QUITE SICK WITH SELF-ABSORPTION IF YOU ASK ME!¬†(Heaven forbid you should ask me!)¬†We spend the majority of our time ruminating on the mistakes of the past, the coulda, shoulda, woulda or worrying about the future. If we truly could live and breathe in the moment, instead of needing to check our phone every 5 minutes, we would be a happier and centered collective body of human energy. And yes, that is what we are, a¬†COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS.¬†So, how about we think more about switching the I, I, I verbiage to the WE, WE, WE???¬†In closing this topic about expression of anger, if one more person mentions my anger issues to me without reading my blog, well, I can’t promise what might come their way! At least they have the decency to preface it with “I didn’t read your blog, but…” Whatever… it’s one of the main reasons that I have exited from SaveFacebook because of the I, I, I look at me shit. And also because people simply do not take the time to read any longer.¬†So, I say…. DEATH TO THE 2 SECOND ATTENTION SPAN!

On the “collective.” A fellow Spiritualist and healing facilitator and I were speaking last night and she said something to me, quite adamantly I will add, about putting out energy to something and making it bigger. And at one point she said something about being drained by what I put energy into. Some say that being angry is not Spiritual. Some say that putting attention onto the current extreme dysfunction in our country is not doing any good because it just gets me more pissed off and it will be what it will be and shift on it’s own…¬†FALSE, FALSE, AND FALSE!¬†Once I do something/anything such as taking MY precious time to write a blog or speak with someone about what (I FEEL) needs to happen to make positive and effective change, I feel a whole lot better¬†AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS OF ATTEMPTING TO HEAL HUMANITY AND OUR PLANET.

In closing this morning’s missive…NO ONE CAN KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LIVE IN MY SKIN RIGHT NOW,¬†ABSOLUTELY¬†NO ONE!!!¬†No one knows the gamut of emotions I am currently experiencing. I think a few have a pretty good idea about how much I am enraged by what is currently happening to our county induced by¬†a government that has NOT worked FOR the people in a VERY LONG TIME. Anyone who has tragically lost a sibling might be able to relate a bit. But please, before you go giving me advice on how to move through what I am currently moving through or what to do to cease my anger, walk a mile in my moccasins. I don’t really wish the current gamut of emotional waves washing over me on anyone right now.¬†(Except for the pure bliss and connection to the DIVINE I feel when I channel my sister in her late 20’s and blast the Rolling Stones.)¬†I realize that it is my job to keep letting those feelings flow, especially the extreme sadness, to let the tears flow and to direct my anger at what I am generally angry at >>¬†The INABILITY TO BE PRESENT and IGNORANCE¬†<< to release them in a safe environment and ultimately to¬†keep¬†working to find compassion for what I FEEL IS IGNORANCE¬†– as well as to work to help people find out what it actually means and feels like to be¬†PRESENT IN THE MOMENT.¬†Unlike my dear B who felt her work was done on this planet, mine has only just begun.¬†Wasn’t that a Carpenter’s song???

Namasté

Posted in Depression, Emotions, euthenasia, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIGHT, RECOVERY, social media addiction, Spiritual awakenings, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |

THE CHURCH OF THE ALMIGHTY GIRLFRIEND – In loving memory of the righteous Barbara A Ruof

Are you sick and tired of mentally ill, straight, white, men “legally” stockpiling hand held WMD’s and NOT being called terrorists?¬†– Yeah, me too.


Are you¬†sick and tired of that thing some people call POTUS that was elected by the Russian Mafia and very rich or very poor, IGNORANT Americans? –¬†Yeah, me too!

Are you sick and tired of things like “taking a knee” being played off by that thing some call POTUS and the mainstream drama-inducing, government-owned media as UNPATRIOTIC? –¬†Yeah, me too!

Are you sick and tired of healthcare being FOR PROFIT?¬†–¬†Yeah, me too!

Are you sick and tired of the straight white IGNORANT male population running the world? –¬†Yeah, me too!!!!

Stay tuned for details on how you can become a member of¬† “The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend.”¬†who’s primary focus will be working to erase stigmas and empower women all over the planet. It will be a place where social justice collides with ALL of humanity, not just the special few who are white and have hefty bank accounts.

www.churchofthealmightygirlfriend.org

 

Posted in Barbara A Ruof, GOP 2017, Gun Control, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIES, MASS SHOOTINGS, MISOGYNIST, social media addiction, Stephen Paddock, TERRORISM, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend, WMDs Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE – today’s brief thoughts on trauma, suppression and moving THROUGH grief

Like many others of my generation, I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about anything. Shhhhh. what might the neighbors think? There were horrible arguments in my home growing up as the child of an alcoholic. And without fail, a day or two later, after the “Sounds of Silence,” people would break it and act as if nothing ever happened and simply go on with their lives. On occasion, there would be days, weeks or even months that went by and not a word was spoken. What happens to all that energy not expelled, all that tucked into the cells of our beings – festering in the “Sounds of Silence?”

I truly hope at some point that the numerous people who have criticized me over the years for this or that or whatever the fuck they thought MY problem was, will read these blogs or my upcoming book and possibly understand on a deeper level what it is actually like to grow up in a household with constant trauma as a √ľber sensitive soul. When a child is so young and vulnerable, they have no way of defending their self from the ENERGY of ANGER, of RAGE of constant discord in an environment that molds them. A child should be in a happy and nurturing environment always. (Example, children are sensitive to energy just like animals are. They are pure souls without defense mechanisms. That is what makes them so beautiful, their innocence. Over the course of the last days since I found out about my sister’s death, I have had to shelter my sweet Mona from my immense emotional expulsions of grief. When I first found out about Barb’s death, the sounds that were exiting my body were none I have ever made before. And because I have done SO MUCH WORK to be at my level of self-awareness, I know that to suppress is to get sick. SO I FUCKING LET IT OUT!!! Depression on many levels, is simply anger and/or sadness turned inward. And I am NEVER going back there. NEVER. So if I need to emote, I am going to do so in a safe environment so that the ENERGY coming from me is not absorbed by anyone around me, 2 or 4 legged.)

The intention of writing and publishing a book about my journeys in life is not about EGO gratification. Rather it’s about real life experiences that people who suffer/struggle from any kind of trauma, mental health issue or addiction can hopefully relate to. It’s for people who are in recovery, and no, I am not just talking about drugs and alcohol. It’s intended for people who have been victims of abuse, of domestic violence, people who struggle with abuse of ANY kind, people who have been victims of homophobia, people who have suffered or currently suffer from mental illness, depression, anxiety, or more other serious diagnosis. I’m simply writing so that I can help others through REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, not hypothetical ones. So many self help books have been written on recovery that come from a clinical standpoint, people who have studied all of the aforementioned soul sicknesses. And although more are rapidly emerging, in comparison, there have been few that are written from actual life experiences. I do believe this is the new form of “therapy.” Instead of going to have “treatment” with someone that has a bunch of letters behind their name, the recovery coaches of the new age are going to simply hang a shingle out that says. “My name is so and so and I have been through the HELL and back.” And they won’t charge $175 per hour, yet if one doesn’t have that idiotic green stuff we all value so much in this life, the door will still be open – sliding scale and FREE if people do not have money and need help. This is my way I can give back to humanity. Because after all, that is WHY we are here, to be of service to our fellow humans and our planet. End of story.

So, in closing this brief musing today, I hope that by reading my real life accounts of being IN it and moving THROUGH it, people can find a life of freedom, liberation, and experience the true nature of their soul, a happiness and bliss that is not BECAUSE of anyone or anything outside of ourselves. IT IS JUST BECAUSE IT IS OUR GODDAMN BIRTH RIGHT! Namasté

Posted in ARMAGEDDON, Barbara A Ruof, Emotions, HELL, IGNORANCE, RECOVERY, Suicide, TRAUMA Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I LET GO OF THAT WHICH NO LONGER SERVES MY HIGHEST GOOD

Yes, I finally did it. I de-activated my Facebook account. I had to finally break a very unhealthy addiction. Thanks to some lovely “moral majority – right wing” #dolts who have not a clue what a FACT is, who turned around after I wrote my last blog and insisted that it was “leftist bullshit” and that I was mentally ill (CORRECT? cuz FACTS have a party affiliation? And when you can’t come back with anything to intellectually debate, of course you attack someone’s mental health or physical appearance!) I thought, WHY IN THE NAME OF ANYTHING GOOD AM I WASTING MY TIME WITH THESE #DOLTS? Yes, “I let go of that which no longer serves my highest good.” And if you who I have been feverishly debating (with futility I might add) are reading this, I truly do thank you for sparking my greater intelligence. My better judgement said, “Get rid of Facebook altogether because the IGNORANCE on there disturbs you so that you can’t simply just “scroll on by.”” Yes, in my EDUCATED OPINION, IGNORANCE prevails amongst those who still are waiving the flag in the name of patriotism in this day and age. This is #fakepatriotism, IMO. Little do most “wavers” realize that the most patriotic thing a TRUE American can do is question his government, his leadership, and when it is not serving it’s people as it should, not hide behind a flag, or an anthem or “service” in our armed forces to defend our so-called freedom. Oh, that last sentence is definitely an opinion although I sure stand behind what Teddy said… FYI, I will no longer be writing my blogs to waste time on #dolts, yet hopefully, through my own shit storms and blisses of life, write for those who are interested in being better and more evolved humans and taking the optimum care of our planet and ALL it’s life forms! ONWARD…

About 8 months ago, I began a daily recital upon awakening the mantra above that titles this blog. It was one that was given to me a very long time ago from one of my Spiritual teachers in California. Two weeks after crossing over the border of peaceful Canada into this cesspool of drama and political chaos, I watched and FELT myself getting more tense, getting more ANGRY… People kept telling me I was angry and I was like, “Really, you think so??? Duh!” I think I am self-aware enough to take some time when feeling stuff like that arise in me to take a step back, to take a breath and get to what the root of it is as to not let it leak out to situations or direct it at people who do not deserve it. As I wrote recently, there is nothing wrong with expression of anger as long as it is directed towards what or who you are actually angry at and as long as it does not turn violent or harm another. Anger is just an E-motion = energy in motion. That is why those who have pent up stress or anger often resort to exercises like kick boxing to release it. (BTW, my recent anger that arose was properly directed at the #fuckingdolts who still support that Orange Anus. So, after the events of Thursday which I am getting to, A VERY wise woman advised me on Friday… “Sue, now that you have found what you think the root is, (operative word is think there – wink wink ūüėČ why not go to a big beautiful tree in the yard and wrap your arms around it and send it down into the earth, to the very core, where the molten lava exists? And then, don’t forget to ask Gaia, or the GREAT SPIRITS THAT BE, to come in and replace that emotional release (anger) with a positive and healthy energy.” Best advice in that moment for sure. Thank you Cyndy! I will continue repeat this process until the bucket of anger is empty, so that I do not have to dip back in again. A wise and aware person, never lets that bucket fill back up again if they truly are living consciously in the moment, which is what I attempt to do each and every day. So, in closing this thought, I am going to again state that there is absolutely nothing wrong with anger. It’s all how you handle and express it. So again, I want to thank the #FUCKINGDOLTS for bringing to light my RAGE over IGNORANCE! After what I am about to share next I do believe a HUGE piece has been lifted in the last few days and I can now allow more of my divine flow in or step further into my Goddess shoes (or flip flops ūüėČ as Cyndy also recently suggested.

I arrived back in my beloved hometown late on last Wednesday evening, 9.27. As those of you know who have read my recent blogs, I do not have very fond memories of growing up in WNY and could not wait to get out of here after high school. I woke however on Thursday refreshed and happy to be “grounded again” at least for a short spell, to begin the work of editing over 800 images shot on my recent journey. Mona is also happy to be back with her boyfriend Matix. My sister Mary came out to Clarence to have lunch with us and it was pleasant and relaxing. I bid her a good day and came into the house to find 2 messages on my computer from a friend in my sister Barb’s neighborhood. They simply said “Sue” and then another “Sue.” I can’t explain the feeling that came over me, but I knew it was really NOT good. My mind immediately went to the worst. And my worst was confirmed shortly thereafter a brief phone call with Shannon Maurer, that my sister was indeed deceased. For any of you that knew my sister Barb, you do know that she had basically been a shut in for the last 2 decades, more or less. After the birth of her second son in San Francisco, she started experiencing terrible neurological problems, such as her mind thinking to turn on a light switch and her body not responding. Without elaboration, I will say that her life slowly became hell, that living in her at heaviest 115 lb body became more and more excruciating. So, with great grace, dignity and COURAGE, my sister Barb took her own life at 63 years old on September 28. 2017. She leaves behind 2 wonderful young men in the world with new families of their own. A few years ago when Barb made it common knowledge that she wished to exit her body, she made it very clear that she thought her work was done on the planet in this lifetime, raising her sons so that each had loves in their lives and children either on the way or already here. Unfortunately, she told too many people, myself being one of them, an

Barb on the lower right and sister Mary above at Phyllis DeJohn’s wedding in Atlanta 10.11.86. I do believe that is how Barb would wish to be remembered before vaccine damage rendered her less than. Her Spirit will live on… RIP B from A

d I told someone who called Crisis Services against my adamant plea not to do so crying on my knees in her house. I consider this to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life because my poor sister not only had to endure another 3 plus years in a body that did not serve her, but when they threw her in the hoosegow, (aka as the psych ward – and here is where the RAGE comes in for she was NOT MENTALLY ILL IN THE LEAST!!!) she had a massive seizure and busted up her shoulder requiring major surgery and adding more pain on top of the already existing unbearable… I wish to end here and now without elaborating on how it has effected everyone involved. Nor do I believe any more details are necessary to be expelled here except MY SISTER DID NOT DIE FROM A MENTAL ILLNESS as I am certain the “town that friendship built and gossip destroyed (Barb coined that phrase by the way) would probably like to be reveling in rumor.” LET IT BE KNOWN HERE THAT MY SISTER DIED WITH DIGNITY AND GRACE AND HAD MORE COURAGE TO DO WHAT SHE DID, (DESPITE WHAT OTHERS MAY DEEM COWARDICE) THAN 99% OF THE HUMANS I AM ACQUAINTED WITH WILL EVER HAVE! Unlike what the “Christians” might say that she went to hell for “suicide” I beg to differ. Like a pure-souled animal, she went to the human rainbow bridge, right straight on, not passing GO or collecting $200! She very basically assisted herself out of a body that no longer could house her gregarious Spirit. [¬†By the way, even if Barb DID have mental health issues, the whole stigma of mental health and suicide is yet another sickness in our Western society that needs to be healed.]

In closing… “I let go of that which no longer serves my highest good.” The gamut of emotions I have experienced during this, definitely one of, if not THE most difficult times of my life, are up at the surface and raw. Boy, have I had my work cut out for me after the last days as anyone would have expect. One of my main points being here is be careful what you ask for, cuz you definitely will get it and you NEVER know what it will look like. And, ALSO, this is NOT about me, but the situation has caused me to WTFU further. This is about my sister Barb who was one of the toughest, outspoken, brilliant, truth-telling, pain-in-the-ass bitches I have ever met, my role model since I was a very young girl. She unfortunately was cast aside by Western medicine and often shrugged off as her illness being “in her head.” SO ~ FUCK YOU Merck Sharp & Dohme Corp for manufacturing a faulty Rubella vaccine and having women either die or wind up in complete paralysis for life as the result of an adverse reaction. My sister was a victim of your faulty vaccine, but unfortunately did not meet the statue of limitations for a law suit from which a nice settlement may have allowed her to live a far more comfortable life away from the climate as a shut in in Hamburg, NY for 25 years.¬†FYI… Merck settled multiple million dollar law suits out of court with gag orders (which to anyone with a brain, admits their obvious guilt.)

RIP Barbara Ann Culig Ruof…

I am writing this in your favorite color, the one you joked about painting Felix when you lived in your beloved San Francisco!!! Without your guidance and love in my life, I would probably be dead or heroine addicted on the streets. I’m very sorry for disappointing you of late. In your honor, I will live my very best life with courage, honesty, integrity, strength and dignity from here on out. When I think I am having a “bad” day, I will say “Fuck it” and invite Mick and the Boys and/or David Lee Roth for dinner. I will not dwell on the petty shit. I will do absolutely everything I thought you wanted me to do or that which you were unable to do in a shitty, shitty, vehicle/body that you absolutely did not deserve. ūüôĀ¬†One of these days, hopefully soon, we can erect the “Church of the Almighty Girlfriend” in your honor. That promise I hope I can keep to you before I too exit this plane of existence. Know though that it already exists without a physical structure ūüėČ

Always with a smile, humor and ultimately classy, even when she was telling someone to “Fuck off.” That was my sister Barb, seen here in one of the last photos I took of her in yard on 9/14/14. As one of her dear friends said, “She could talk like a truck driver, but also sing like a bird. She wasn’t for everyone, but I totally dug her.” So did I, Auntie Phyl, So did I…

To those of you readers who have made it this far, don’t grieve for me. Get ANGRY at Western Medicine for fucking my sister over. And send your most heartfelt sympathies to her sons who no doubt are paralyzed with grief. Thank God they had her as long as they did, because she knew they would be solid and and strong enough to get through it. I am eternally grateful I had as many years as I did with my beloved sister, guide, confident, Spiritual teacher, and over-all INCREDIBLE and BRILLIANT human being. Remember, “Religion is for people who fear Hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there.” ~Unknown

Posted in Barbara A Ruof, euthenasia, FACTS, Hamburg, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIGHT, Rubella Vaccine, Spiritual awakenings, Suicide, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend, Vaccine Damage Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

“ABLE IS A GIVEN, WILLINGNESS IS A CHOICE.” ~ A. R. N. Greenleaf

TALES OF IGNORANCE…¬†THE DEBATE OVER FACTS AND OPINIONS

By this time, it’s likely that I have made some new enemies from those formerly of or currently living in my hometown and probably elsewhere amongst those who wish to stick to their guns and opinions without facts. Is it my goal to make enemies? Absolutely not. Do I care? Sure I do! Am I going to lose sleep around it? Nope… I’m going to speak my mind and back up my opinions with facts.

A good friend and fellow REAL and DOWN TO EARTH human (with, I might add, immense intellectual capabilities that she actually uses)¬† and I recently had the discussion of why we have no tolerance for IGNORANCE. It comes down to only one reason… All humans have the ability to inform themselves of FACTS and the TRUTH, but if the willingness to spend time doing so is not there, IGNORANCE ENSUES. The old “I don’t want to take my head out of the sand ‘cuz it’s real comfortable just where it is and has been mentality.”¬†NO TOLERANCE. Not when it comes down to the current climate in the United (quickly becoming divided) States of America. Why is it that the rest of the world can see the truth and that a large faction of Americans refuse to believe anything other than what FOX news, the uber conservative media or the Orange Anus tells them???

ONLY ONE ANSWER. IGNORANCE… Oh, and LAZINESS too. It’s much easier to turn on the TV and let someone else give you their OPINION. So much easier than going…. Geez,¬†that feels funny in my gut, I’m going to do some investigation and see what I come up with… Is the person I elected as my POTUS a person with morals and ethics? Yes, an intelligent person absolutely QUESTIONS EVERYTHING!

Next, can someone please tell me why people don’t understand the difference between opinions and facts? Let me just put some FACTS out there for y’all today. Let me put very clearly right here in BLACK AND WHITE with links for those of you who are TRULY the lazy ones, for those telling me what an angry unpatriotic bitch I am, oh and a fat, ugly, one as well of late! Cuz lord knows when you’re put on the spot to present facts and can’t, you say stuff like “get a job you lazy, fat ass” or call someone an ugly “rug muncher” that looks like Bruce Jenner! Great job, James, (a self proclaimed “white boy/cracker.”) Your brilliance and ability to intelligently debate has really shown through! To the “retired white boy who served in the almighty Marines” (oh, and by the way, got paid for it, and mostly likely “retired” after far fewer years than most “hard-working” people with good benefits no doubt) if you TRULY wish to “defend your country,”¬†why not go volunteer on the front lines for the upcoming nuclear war? Why not go volunteer now that you are “retired” in a hospital where the majority of the patients cannot afford to pay bills to keep themselves alive because of corporate and fossil fuel greed and the largest defense budget in the world, triple of China and quintuple that of Saudi Arabia AND because health care has become nothing but a for profit business in this country? I warned you Jimmy Boy, not to try and go tit for tat with me ‘cuz I would bury your sorry, white-supremacist ass. No one stoops so low to attack my rumored “sexuality” and/or my physical appearance and gets away with it! That has to be THE most ignorant way to try and demean or insult someone in 2017 good ole US of A! ONWARD….

So here we go…
First, please click on the word to see the definition of FACT. 
 
Please do the same for OPINION. BY THE WAY, YOU CANNOT DISPUTE MERRIAM WEBSTER WITH YOUR FOX NEWS INDUCED MENTALITY!!!
 

FACT #1 – The Asswipe in Chief (or AIC -how I affectionately refer to YOUR POTUS) did NOT receive 50% of the vote. Mind you this link displays percentages before the results of the Russian intervention investigation. CLICK HERE TO SEE FACTS.

 

FACT #2 – The Asswipe in Chief owes the Russian mafia billions of dollars because he could no longer secure any financing for his “ventures” in this country after multiple million dollar banckruptcies. Just Google this or go to THE PALMER REPORT to read it should you wish to expose yourself to the FACTS.
 
FACT #3 – the people that voted for the AIC and are currently still supporting him, elected someone who had ABSOLUTELY NO POLITICAL EXPERIENCE WHATSOEVER and had continuous shady business dealings in both this country and many others around the world, mainly Russia. That needs no fact link. It’s just simply the TRUTH!
 

FACT #4 your AIC executed not one, not two, not three, but FOUR BANKRUPTCIES. SEE HERE FOR FACTS AND AMOUNTS. And you voted for him to help recover your country and it’s economy financially from the MESS Obama made??? I am just completely taken aback at the SHEER IGNORANCE AND ABSURDITY of it all.

FACT #5 – the closer Mueller gets to nailing his ass and the Russian collusion that put him into office, the more he stirs and heats up the media with bullshit like calling professional athletes “Sons of Bitches” and telling them they should be fired. Since when does the POTUS ever offer up such a staunch COMMAND publicly? Since your POTUS is a former TV celebrity paid lots of money to fire people on air.
 

FACT #6 – What your AIC does to divert media and public attention away from his grand misdeeds and onto bullshit like the NFL fiasco is called “Wagging The Dog.” < Click on it!!! The people that have been brainwashed by his jargon, “Make America Great Again” as well as others who are just not intelligent or¬†WILLING enough to see deeper what is really going on will keep supporting him no matter what, even when the FACTS are displayed in blaring, flashing neon lights. They will look at these acts (that are indeed patriotic by expressing their freedom of speech and to peacefully protest according to the first amendment to OUR constitution) as your AIC wishes them to be seen – unpatriotic. By creating drama around situations like football players taking a knee, it takes the attention off of the real news, such as the disasters in Puerto Rico, Florida and Texas. By “Wagging the Dog,” he takes the media attention off of himself and the current investigation. In essence good sheeples, it’s like starting a big fire and saying “Here, look at this!!! Don’t look at that.” < oh Jeez, was that an opinion or an example of what your President is doing that a kindergartner can understand???

One last aside here… for those of you who have accused me of being angry, DAMN STRAIGHT I AM!!! I don’t think you who elected and are still supporting the AIC, the madman, crude, rude, lying piece of feces, misogynist realize that you weren’t electing your high school treasurer,

YOU WERE ELECTING THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED (yet rapidly dividing) STATES OF AMERICA!!! AND people… FYI… there is absolutely nothing wrong with anger directed towards what one is angry about! It’s a healthy emotion that when held inside makes someone depressed and physically ill or nuts enough to pull out a freely accessible automatic weapon and shoot up a school filled with children. AND… I’m not getting sick or depressed over YOUR IGNORANCE AND DENIAL TO SEE THE FACTS!!! — AND, I am not going away until I leave the country I have loved so much because it’s unhealthy for me to keep living in and surrounded by INTENSE¬†IGNORANCE!!!

–¬† SMH

There, the angry, fat, ugly, rug munching bitch has spoken once again. 👋🏼 for now. I’ll be back 😁

Posted in 1%, 45, 45, ASSWIPE IN CHIEF, Depression, Election 2016, FACTS, GOLDEN RULE, GOP 2017, Hamburg, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIES, MISOGYNIST, OPINIONS, politics Tagged , , , , , |

THE TOWN THAT FRIENDSHIP BUILT AND GOSSIP DESTROYED

THIS BLOG IS PUBLISHED IN HONOR OF A WOMAN WHO WAS NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK HER TRUTH EVER… RIP B… 7.20.54 – 9.28.17

And I welcome myself back to what I currently dub as borderline civil war hell, aka the Divided States of America. Some who have known me many years know that because of my extensive travels on the North American continent, Europe and the Middle East, I have often returned to the US, which is where my passport was issued, thinking how utterly dysfunctional we are as a nation. I make that statement not discounting the great things about this nation I cherish, such as my freedom of speech first and foremost, and my birth as a woman in a relatively “free country” that allows me to travel the world. Yes, there are definitely a few things, alongside the immense beauty of this land, that I value as being a US Citizen. Some call my opinions based on experience and facts about the current state of affairs in the US¬†unpatriotic . Some deem my¬†opinions based on experience and facts a display of my arrogance. Some simply call my¬†opinions based on experience and facts being an “asshole!” Needless to say, after 32 years of excursions outside of this country, I have earned the right to say that the USA is DEFINITELY NOT THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. And I question if it ever indeed was…¬†

the road to the border crossing in Calais, Maine

After leaving the bubble of peaceful Canada a full week ago on 9/20 and Maine just this past Saturday, 9/23, I knew that my arrival in Hamburg, NY was imminent. Today, I shall travel to “the Town that Friendship Built and Gossip Destroyed.” I don’t bunk down there any longer when in Western NY thanks to a great friend with an uber serene place out in the country who stores my few remaining possessions of value and gives Mona and I refuge and use of her house when needed. The further away from Hamburg the better for me!!! The town is an ever more sprawling suburb south of the city of Buffalo by say 20-90 minutes, depending on the weather. Hamburg is also right smack dab in the middle of the “snow belt.” So when you read in the paper or see on TV that Buffalo got 6 feet of snow, it most likely is in Hamburg. My parents moved us there when I was 2, when Parker Road was still a country road. We had a big back yard an iconic red barn across the street with horses. Traffic was minimal and it was an ideal place to grow up playing outside. When the farmer across the street died, a greedy neighbor down the street bought the property and land and then sold it to a developer who built these audacious “patio homes.” When they tore down the barn across the street to build, I cried. Yes, my 91 year old father still lives in his home on Parker Road. Admittedly, I have mostly had a hate relationship with that area/town. Why? First, because I endured so much intense family dysfunction in my parent’s home growing up with a raging alcoholic. Second, when I was 7 years old, I developed VITILIGO, an autoimmune disorder where the melanocyte cells attack one another and one’s pigment disappears. (In my book, I shall detail what the Spiritual/Metaphysical explanation is to Vitiligo. It basically is a “complete inability to feel like one belongs” according to Louise Hay.

with a equine friend/family in Meat Cove, Nova Scotia. ¬†When wee ones ask about my skin disorder, I tell them I am half human, half horse ūüôā

One can only imagine the scars this left on me well into my mid 40’s. Here I will extend big gratitude to some of my childhood friends from St Bernadette’s catholic grade school like Paula Jordan, Amy Marshall, Joanie Pawlowski, Cathy Carlone, Mark Weimer, Larry Rosiek, Joe Ruesch… who were all very sweet about my unsightly disorder as a child. They affectionately dubbed me “Cougar” and Paula told me yesterday that her very sweet, nearing 90 year old mom, Mary Beth, still calls me Cougar to this day! ¬†[[ I’m not sure exactly why cougar because leopards had spots, not cougars. Amy Marshall called me Cougar Poopathorn.]] Anyway, thanks to the few who were kind and screw the rest who stared and said “ewww!”¬†I specifically remember one time at the village swimming pool when a kid a bit older than me walked by me, pointed and stared and said to her mother “Ewwww, what is wrong with her skin?” (I’ve always had olive Croatian skin and tan fast and dark leaving my “spots” blaring.) She looked as if by glaring at it, she would catch it. It’s just a small example of the pain due to human’s ignorance I endured in this white bread mentality town over the years. For some reason, as a friend and I recently discussed, there is an air of superiority that exists in this weird fucking town. For some reason, some of the “high society” people in Hamburg had this strange idea that they were better than everyone else. Mostly, it was the parent’s of my friends who had a membership to the local country club. And if your father was a dentist or a doctor, it gave your mother a reason to walk around like “her shit didn’t stink” as my beloved down-to-earth mother used to say.

So, this upcoming time in Western New York will be short lived. I’m not interested in staying in an area any longer that has such bad memories and a faction of GOP ignorance in the population that refuses to see the current destruction this administration is wreaking country and worldwide. Quite honestly, as I have agreed on numerous forums of late, we all are entitled to our opinions. However, when your opinions are based on #fakenews, and current government and media propaganda to promote what the Orange Anus is attempting to execute, should you initiate a discussion, I WILL FEVERISHLY DEBATE YOU WITH FACTS until the day is long. So beware my WNY friends, if we do not share the same thoughts about the current POTUS and how he and his media (Fox and Breitbart) are persistently attempting to destroy and divide America, you just might want to avoid me. Yes, J.P., an uneducated and military arrogant ass I went to High School with (I strongly disliked him there because he thought he was God’s gift and only liked to affiliate with the prettiest girls, although he never could get one) I want to thank you for showing your true self yesterday by rebutting to my request for reason on a friend’s post, by calling me fat, ugly, telling me I looked like Bruce Jenner, (little did he know that Bruce does not exist any longer) attacking my supposed sexuality (which is rumored only and food for that wonderful gossip that destroys relationships) and showing your true ignorance. You made me feel like I was right back in grade school again and getting mocked for my skin disorder and teased relentlessly for being overweight. Except, as a 53 year old, well travelled, well educated, tough bitch who has been through far more shit than was in your fatigue pants when you served, I realize how unbelievably shallow some folks still are. I thank the Great Spirits that BE, that I have grown up to understand that you are most likely and quite sadly suffering enough from your own insecurities to attack someone else as such. I’ll be back! Namast√©

 

Posted in 45, Drug Abuse, Election 2016, Faith, GOLDEN RULE, GOP 2017, INSANITY OF NOW..., NY, PLEIDIANS, politics, RECOVERY, Spiritual awakenings