Category Archives: TRAUMA

WE WILL SOON REALIZE WE CANNOT EAT MONEY ~ Cree Proverb

Sits on my dashboard right in front of the passenger seat should it ever be occupied.

Today’s musing is inspired by my 91 year old father AND Agnes, a sweet 88 year old woman I met at 7 am in Tim Horton’s yesterday morning. She walked by me as I was setting up shop with my computer and started talking with me, saying that she didn’t envy our generation’s use of these things, meaning smart phones and computers. I chatted with her for a few minutes and then asked her to join me. She did briefly, explaining that she had to do her crossword for the day. I said, “Why don’t you go do that and keep your brain exercised and then come and join me for a fresh cup of coffee.” She came back about 40 minutes later with a completed puzzle. It was so sweet to see, because my mom after having had her stroke in 2013, taught herself after losing her right side functions in part, how to write with her left hand so that she could do her puzzles, knit, and Jingo. May all the blessings be to these elderly folks who have kept their brains sharp doing these little exercises. My mom transitioned with ALL her cookies at 87 and my Dad still has all his at 91. Guess I’ve got some mental astuteness genes to grow old into if I keep my brain at the “gym.” 😉

A topic Agnes and I stumbled upon quite early in our conversation was about the dire state of affairs in our country that is evident to all who have their eyes open. (Believe it or not, there are still MANY wearing the blinders, some so thick and heavy that even if they wanted to take them off, they couldn’t!) She expounded upon all the things she has seen since 1929. She was a very young girl during the great depression and an orphan to boot. She witnessed how without community help, people perished. From infancy to age six she was in an orphanage and those years were hell to her. “People had an entirely different mentality towards money back then and the barter system was in full swing during the depression.” In a nutshell, Agnes really traced all the problems we currently are experiencing back to GREED. AND I COULD NOT AGREE MORE.

This particular blog is very relevant for me. Good friends of mine know that when I travel, I budget accordingly. On this latest trip to Maine and Nova Scotia, I ended up crossing the border from Canada with $2.37 back on September 20th after nearly a month in Canada and after eating rice and beans for 10 days straight! (However, I didn’t really care because what I was doing was far more important than what I was eating!) After crossing at 6 am, I had to wait until 9 am for my friend “Kitty’s”Paypal gift to arrive in my account so that I could fill up my gas tank to get to my destination in Belfast where my “good mechanic” was. I was exhausted. The main reason I was SO exhausted was because I got ROBBED BLINDLY by a mechanic in Nova Scotia and had spent the last 7 days struggling with a van that would stall at all times, going 60 mph on the highway or just when idling and would not stop not to be restarted until waiting 20-30 minutes for it to cool down.  (Please if you are reading this, DO NOT EVER GO TO “JEFF’S OLD VOLKS HOME” in East Chester, Nova Scotia!)  It sure is a funny and clever name and one might expect an older dude with a beard and dirty coveralls to come out with a screwdriver and ask with what he might be able to help. Instead, I walked into a brand new building with meticulously uniformed employees that began their work day at 8 am ON THE DOT. The work orders were all neatly lined up on the desk and in the pit of my stomach I had a bad feeling… And ever since that day, I WILL NEVER, EVER NOT LISTEN TO MY GUT AGAIN. And Jeff??? When called on the FACT that he charged me almost $700 and didn’t fix the problem, after two trips and charging me almost double for labor that I recorded while waiting right there at his shop, he proceeded to recite some legal jargon to me about his policies when I called him on it all… ARROGANT PRICK is what I call men like him… Money hungry to boot to pay for everything brand spanking new at his OLD Volks Home. It’s quite ironic, no? By the way, the BEST mechanic, Iain Pottle at the Beetle Shop in Belfast, Maine had my van for two days after the Jeff’s Old Volks Home fiasco and only billed me $123.00 to fix the problem. Now, that to me is good and FAIR business. He treated me like a human being who had experienced a lot of trouble with a single problem and was committed to finding out what that problem was, not just treating me like another number who he could bill to at $100/hr especially because they were “on the road” and would probably never see you again… Bravo, Iain.

The fabulous Iain Pottle and Stacie in Belfast Maine.

I have to keep wondering when people are going to realize that the love of money (AKA GREED) is going to be the death of us as humanity, especially in the Capitalistic West? What are people going to do when the paper stuff is no longer worth anything? Recently, when I needed $360 to be lent to me to pay the crook in Nova Scotia, amongst five I asked for help, two of my friends stepped forward with their credit cards – my accountant who did my #’s for many years in San Francisco, and my soul sister, Silvia in Austria who I have known and LOVED since 1994 when we ventured to Croatia to work with the Bosnian refugee children in the camps. Both of these folks and I share the same heart space and we all know that MONEY IS JUST AN ENERGY. When one hangs onto it, one does not welcome more of it, rather constricts the flow. I did lose a 24 year friendship over someone’s inability to extend a very temporary loan to me for that repair. And I simply have to chalk it up who I NEED in my life as we continue to head into what are apparently very dire times in our country due to intense natural disasters and our government not doing a thing to actually serve it’s people as it was intended to by our forefathers. GREED HAS DESTROYED CONGRESS. GREED IS SITTING IN THE OVAL OFFICE. GREED IS SUGGESTING a 700 BILLION increase in defense while leaving single payer heath care on the back burner.  BIG $$ IS OIL. BIG $$ IS PHARMACEUTICALS. BIG $$ IS INSURANCE. BIG MONEY HAS CORRUPTED OUR GOVERNMENT BEYOND RECOGNITION…

Yes, the Universe seems to be accomplishing a natural weeding out process for me, a natural selection of sorts, leaving those of like-mind and heart AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, those who are concerned first and foremost with their fellow human’s  well-being! Nope, we certainly will NOT be able to eat currency. So, what are YOU going to do? Are you going to insert a piece of coal up your butt and wait and hope until it might turn into a diamond? Or are you going to step forward and see your fellow humans in need and extend a form of energy to them that will not always be available or any other for that matter if it is terribly excruciating to part with the green stuff $$$ After all these years, I simply am left wondering in disbelief how people cling so desperately to money. How much does one actually need? And if you are saving for a rainy day? Remember, some place on this earth it is raining. ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER, IT IS IN GIVING THAT WE RECEIVE… OPEN YOUR HEART AND GIVE SOMETHING TO SOMEONE TODAY, PLEASE?

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I CERTAINLY WANT 
GOOD 
KARMA IN THESE CHALLENGING TIMES 🙂

Namasté

Also posted in 45, ARMAGEDDON, GOLDEN RULE, GOVERNMENT, GREED, IGNORANCE, LIES, Native Americans, politics, RECOVERY, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend, VW VANAGON REPAIR Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE – today’s brief thoughts on trauma, suppression and moving THROUGH grief

Like many others of my generation, I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about anything. Shhhhh. what might the neighbors think? There were horrible arguments in my home growing up as the child of an alcoholic. And without fail, a day or two later, after the “Sounds of Silence,” people would break it and act as if nothing ever happened and simply go on with their lives. On occasion, there would be days, weeks or even months that went by and not a word was spoken. What happens to all that energy not expelled, all that tucked into the cells of our beings – festering in the “Sounds of Silence?”

I truly hope at some point that the numerous people who have criticized me over the years for this or that or whatever the fuck they thought MY problem was, will read these blogs or my upcoming book and possibly understand on a deeper level what it is actually like to grow up in a household with constant trauma as a über sensitive soul. When a child is so young and vulnerable, they have no way of defending their self from the ENERGY of ANGER, of RAGE of constant discord in an environment that molds them. A child should be in a happy and nurturing environment always. (Example, children are sensitive to energy just like animals are. They are pure souls without defense mechanisms. That is what makes them so beautiful, their innocence. Over the course of the last days since I found out about my sister’s death, I have had to shelter my sweet Mona from my immense emotional expulsions of grief. When I first found out about Barb’s death, the sounds that were exiting my body were none I have ever made before. And because I have done SO MUCH WORK to be at my level of self-awareness, I know that to suppress is to get sick. SO I FUCKING LET IT OUT!!! Depression on many levels, is simply anger and/or sadness turned inward. And I am NEVER going back there. NEVER. So if I need to emote, I am going to do so in a safe environment so that the ENERGY coming from me is not absorbed by anyone around me, 2 or 4 legged.)

The intention of writing and publishing a book about my journeys in life is not about EGO gratification. Rather it’s about real life experiences that people who suffer/struggle from any kind of trauma, mental health issue or addiction can hopefully relate to. It’s for people who are in recovery, and no, I am not just talking about drugs and alcohol. It’s intended for people who have been victims of abuse, of domestic violence, people who struggle with abuse of ANY kind, people who have been victims of homophobia, people who have suffered or currently suffer from mental illness, depression, anxiety, or more other serious diagnosis. I’m simply writing so that I can help others through REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, not hypothetical ones. So many self help books have been written on recovery that come from a clinical standpoint, people who have studied all of the aforementioned soul sicknesses. And although more are rapidly emerging, in comparison, there have been few that are written from actual life experiences. I do believe this is the new form of “therapy.” Instead of going to have “treatment” with someone that has a bunch of letters behind their name, the recovery coaches of the new age are going to simply hang a shingle out that says. “My name is so and so and I have been through the HELL and back.” And they won’t charge $175 per hour, yet if one doesn’t have that idiotic green stuff we all value so much in this life, the door will still be open – sliding scale and FREE if people do not have money and need help. This is my way I can give back to humanity. Because after all, that is WHY we are here, to be of service to our fellow humans and our planet. End of story.

So, in closing this brief musing today, I hope that by reading my real life accounts of being IN it and moving THROUGH it, people can find a life of freedom, liberation, and experience the true nature of their soul, a happiness and bliss that is not BECAUSE of anyone or anything outside of ourselves. IT IS JUST BECAUSE IT IS OUR GODDAMN BIRTH RIGHT! Namasté

Also posted in ARMAGEDDON, Barbara A Ruof, Emotions, HELL, IGNORANCE, RECOVERY, Suicide Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |