Category Archives: ETERNAL LIFE

CHOOSING THE LEFT

On this, the 2nd anniversary of the day we lost my sister Barb to suicide, I feel like I have a whole lot on my heart to express.

First, I hope the folks reading this who know me and who are opposed to my outspoken progressive nature might realize that my beliefs are not simply liberal, independent or even democratic, yet HUMANITARIAN! And there’s a whole lot of life experience that shaped those beliefs. I’ve definitely chosen the road less traveled in this life and plan to keep doing so.

Barb was such a major influence in and on my life. She was the first born of us 4 girls and 10 years older than I, the youngest. My Mom went through a difficult time with my Dad when I was young so, Barb stepped in as a motherly figure until my late teen years, when I feel like our relationship transformed into a best friendship. She was the one who told me over and over to “just get a dog!” when I called her in a heartbroken state over relationship difficulties or endings. Unfortunately, she never had the opportunity to meet Mona. I know she would have fallen in love with her. Mona won’t be with me forever, but having her has irrevocably changed my life and I will never live without canine love in my life again! Thanks to my sis for the push to rely on the love of an unconditional vs. us flawed humans!

Barb taught me about Spirituality, about trusting my instincts, about determining right from wrong. She taught me how to respect differences of opinion and to engage in intelligent conversation. She also taught me to stand by my morals and ethics and to not take any shit from anyone! She introduced me to the wonderful city of San Francisco where I lived for 18 years after she, her husband and boys, much to her eternal discontent, left it and moved back to NY. I feel so fortunate to have lived in a place where all people were treated with respect no matter their race, creed, color or sexuality. Gratitude is forever etched in my heart and mind for the period of time I was able to enjoy a bohemian life in what I still believe is the most beautiful city in this country, if not the world. There’s good reason behind people proclaiming to have left their heart there. I certainly did.

In 2010, I left San Francisco for many reasons, but mainly because I was planning to get married and move to Europe to be with my long time partner. That relationship fell apart and so did I right along with it. My Spirit was crushed for multiple reasons and being back in Western NY after all those years away, I fell into a deep depression realizing that I was in a place where even though I was rooted/reared for the first 18 and formative years of my life, it felt completely foreign to me. I heard the word “nigger” uttered by an ex-boyfriend and cringed. I heard derogatory remarks about immigrants and gays all the time. I realized quickly that this wasn’t a place I fit in any longer. AT ALL… My life and beliefs had become anything but conservative and DEFINITELY in no way, shape or form racist or feeling as though us pasty whites are or have ever been superior to anyone else!!! Living in major cities like Brooklyn, San Francisco and Oakland for decades will do that to you as diversity abounds and different cultures and colors of skin are cherished, not abhorred. Also, I feel honored and fortunate to have spent ample time with and in Native American ceremonies. It was with the only original inhabitants of our country that I learned how much we MUST have immense gratitude for and cherish and respect our mother earth for she sustains ALL life! Without her health, we are simply going to perish.

My favorite sister and I were estranged for the last year of her life because her illness and drug addiction due to it made her basically unrecognizable to me any longer. The person I knew and loved all those years was a mere shadow of the extremely bright light she used to be. And even though she had attempted suicide once before and lived to be honest with her doctors, they still kept giving her opioids and benzodiazepines like they were candy. Honestly, Barb didn’t take her own life because she was depressed. She was one the most intelligent, funny and upbeat persons I have ever known. The drugs stole her optimism. They stole her energy. She was in constant pain. Most importantly, she felt like she had accomplished what her “why” was in her life by raising her two wonderful sons and seeing them both partnered and happy. It simply was… in her eyes… her time to go… Understanding this all doesn’t take away the pain of missing her every single day, but I do believe she stayed as long as she could considering the condition she was in. It took a lot of courage to do what she did. Unfortunately, it left all of us behind in a lot of pain. Matter not the reasoning behind it, the survivors are always devastated and damaged.

Lastly, I have Barb to thank for my adventurous travel spirit and the ability to just pick up and go. The first time I was leaving the country on a solo adventure from my then home in Brooklyn in 1988 with just a backpack and a ticket to Switzerland where I knew no one, but had planned to travel by train to the then Yugoslavia (now Croatia) to meet my father’s family to find out more about him and our homeland, I will never forget my phone conversation with Barb the night before. I kept telling her I just couldn’t do it, that I was scared to death to get on a plane and go where I knew no one and had no definite plans. She basically said “”A” = short for Aunt) if you don’t get on that plane, I am going to come down there and drag your ass on it!” And so I did. And so I had an amazing adventure. And so I realized that the USA was not the center of the Universe. We are but a speck of dust in a big wide world of interesting diverse people, cultures and places. Travel has been the best education of my life, hence my addiction to it.

As much as I will never regret being near my parents during the last years of their lives and present when they passed, I am definitely ready to go back to the left/West where I feel like I am in good company and surrounded by folks with common PROGRESSIVE beliefs about the importance of diversity and the well being of the planet and it’s inhabitants. If I shall be referred to further as the “radical left,” so be it! I am proud to be a humanitarian and a bohemian with much respect for and thanks to my sister Barb’s influence.

My wish for you Sis is that you are having lots of deep belly laughs wherever you are… maybe hanging with George Carlin? Dad? Mom? Somehow, I know you’re close by.  Just know I plan to live this next segment of my life to the very fullest with you in mind and heart. And definitely NEVER EVER again will I live without a dog! ~Namasté “B”  #BarbaraRuof

Also posted in 45, Barbara A Ruof, Barbara Culig, DEATH, Depression, Drug Abuse, Hamburg, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIBERAL, Radical Left, Rubella Vaccine, San Francisco, SPIRITUALITY, Suicide, Vaccine Damage Tagged , , , , , , , , , |

THIS EXTRAORDINARY TIME…

TO BE ALIVE!

While many are focused on all the negative events currently transpiring in our country and around the world, I am choosing to look to astrology, as well as to Spirituality, and point my own energy/focus to the inevitable evolution of our consciousness that exists underneath the rapidly lifting veils of our egos. Some examples of current attempted constrictions to keep us distracted in our egos are government, mainstream media, wealth or poverty, and religion. I do believe in our lifetimes we shall see MAJOR paradigm shifts of all of these when we realize that we are ENERGY and that WE as energetic beings ARE ONE, always have been one and we will always be one 🙂

One of my favorite astrologers who resides in San Francisco, Susan Levitt, writes this for the month of November, November 2017 is the month of the Dog in Chinese astrology. Dog traits are honesty, integrity, and speaking up for the underdog. The truth is sniffed out, and injustice is exposed. During this Dog month, women have come forward to openly speak about sexual assault, abuse, and harassment. And people believe the women, instead of placing shame and blame for wearing the wrong clothing, saying no when she really meant yes, or other insane justifications.”

So, let’s say bye-bye to sexism, to abuse, to chauvinism… The feminine is rapidly arising… Go girlfriends, go!!!

Having been born in 1964, The following taken from Wikipedia >  “The Sixties”, as they are known in both scholarship and popular culture, is a term used by historians, journalists, and other objective academics; in some cases nostalgically to describe the counterculture and revolution in social norms about clothing, music, drugs, dress, sexuality, formalities, and schooling; and in others pejoratively to denounce the decade as one of irresponsible excess, flamboyance, and decay of social order. The decade was also labeled the Swinging Sixties because of the fall or relaxation of social taboos especially relating to racism and sexism that occurred during this time. Commentator Christopher Booker[4] described this era as a classical Jungian nightmare cycle, where a rigid culture, unable to contain the demands for greater individual freedom, broke free of the social constraints of the previous age through extreme deviation from the norm. He charts the rise, success, fall/nightmare and explosion in the London scene of the 1960s. Several Western nations such as the United States, United Kingdom, France, and West Germany turned to the political left in the early and mid-1960s. <taken from Wikipedia> I almost feel as if I was born a decade too late. Due to the fact that I had much older sisters who were coming of age during this decade, I soaked into my cells a great deal of what transpired during this era. My beliefs and ideals definitely run alongside the deconstruction of rigid ideals and social constraints. My music listening preferences remain in the 60’s – 80’s. 50 years later we are seeing a resurgence of 60’s ideals alongside a further necessary breakdown of racism, sexism, and all that further separates us vs. unites us as a species. We are definitely being called at this time to step into our higher selves, the multi-dimensional aspects of our BEing.

So, will you succumb to the desperate tug of your ego to remain in the 3rd dimensional realm, or will you choose to evolve, to experience the multi-dimensional aspects of your higher self? The choice is yours! I can guarantee the journey in the higher realms is far more adventurous and pleasurable than the rigid illusions currently being presented by our media and our government to attempt to keep us trapped in ego misery.

SO… WHY NOT EVOLVE ALREADY? The ride is SO MUCH MORE FUN!!!

Namasté

Also posted in CHURCH, CORPORATE GREED, FACTS, GOVERNMENT, GREED, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., Spiritual awakenings, SPIRITUALITY, The 60's, The Church of the Almighty Girlfriend Tagged , , , , , , , , |

ARMAGEDDON – the LIGHT vs the dark

My beloved sister Barb now in Spirit took me by the hand when I was quite small, 7 or 8,  and told me not to believe that bible stuff, to trust that life after death did indeed exist, but that it was not about going to heaven or hell. She tried very tenderly to put me on the path of Spirituality and appreciation for the finer “things” in life. She often took me to the Albright Knox Art Gallery, the Museum of Science and also always validated my love of the outdoors and animals. Many years later when I visited San Francisco for the first time, she took me to the Spiritualist Church with her where we received readings from the reverends who delivered messages from loved ones in “on the other side.” I was always fascinated how Spirits gravitated towards her, my great aunt Anna who died of Cancer in the late 70’s and then my grandmother when she passed in the late 80’s both visited her often. My readings were often ambiguous, which I see at that time was exactly my connection to the Spirit world. Nonetheless over the years, after having a horrendous experience as a teenager with a “born again” family member, I gravitated much more towards things that were Spiritual.

It was in my late 20’s, while some of my friends who grew up in tumultuous households such as mine were reaching towards psychotherapists, that I was making the occasional visit to a psychic or going for long walks by large bodies of water and connecting deeply to the peace I felt around it. I did things like hypnotherapy and totally believed in past lives. I also really started to explore what Spirituality really meant TO ME, my own brand so to speak. I delved into Buddhism and Hinduism for a while. What I found after studying quite a bit was seemingly one common element, the belief in a love so vast, the Universe could not contain it! I have always been a swimmer, and being an extra large Pisces astrologically, water is my home or calming element. I always went to Lake Erie growing up and when I moved to San Francisco full time in 1992 at age 28 (my Saturn return) I had all the water I needed, plus the most diverse, cosmopolitain and gorgeous city in our country. When I felt troubled about something, I ventured to the ocean and let the waves wash over me metaphorically and sometimes physically. The negative ions soothed my physical body and calmed my soul. I also began to study body, energy and breath works to connect deeper to myself and others. My book takes time to describe some of these journeys and I will just say in attempting to close this thought, that I have ALWAYS been Spiritual, never Religious. That old saying comes into play here that “Religion is for those who fear hell and Spirituality is for those who have been there!”

As a young child, I remember feeling a deep connection to the Native Americans and to all “God’s” creatures. The Seneca Indians used to have a daily dance at the Fair and Exposition which ran for 8 days in mid August in our county Erie of Western New York. Back then they were called Indians 😉 and there were two tribes that had settled in this area, the Seneca and the Erie. I remember getting a small replica of a drum when I was little and my animal totem was a black bear. (I still have Barry BlackBeary although he is falling apart.) Their traditional clothing fascinated me, especially the footwear, and I always wanted my hair to be long and thick, just like the beautiful Native American women. In the summer of 1999 when I sat in “CHURCH” with the Native Americans in a teepee in Oregon, around a blazing fire pit, with song, and peyote ceremony that took place from sun down to sun up on the summer solstice, I realized exactly why I had always felt so connected to the Natives. In that teepee, I truly saw THE Truth or what some refer to as “God.” The Natives had welcomed me into their ceremony as one of their own and I felt SO privileged.  To this day, it was probably the single most life-altering experience I have had. It is described in detail in my book. But why do I favor the Native American “Religion” so much? Because it is all about our earth and the creatures that inhabit it. There’s the utmost respect for all that comes from our mother, all our “ancestors” that came before us and for all who will come after we leave our mother. 

The question today is… Why do I think Religion is such bullshit? (Because it was developed by man for man because there needed to be some form of mind control. Heaven forbid we should all discover that we have all the power of the Universe accessible to us!) We are ALL Spiritual first and foremost. Because we just are, end of story. We are born of Spirit and it is proven that our Spirit leaves our body to return to the Universe when we die. SEE THIS ARTICLE for some interesting reading. The point I am trying to make is that we are ALL energy, just energy embodying physical forms. Einstein said we could never understand it all and I would never ever claim to. I just know what I feel intuitively. And what I feel intuitively about the times that we are living in is exactly what Dr Christiane Northrup said that was quoted in my last blog. That the LIGHT is accelerating. That is hitting us so fast and hard that the Darkness has no choice but to be exposed, to come out of hiding. Since the eclipse, the storms of fire and water have intensified. Our political climate is extremely volatile. The energy is heating things up. Fires, floods, hurricanes, disasters… I tend to believe that a lot of this has to do with the anti-Christ that some elected as the POTUS. (He’s not mine.) But what is for sure is that Mother Nature is rip shit angry. There have been jokes about her going off her meds…. This is no joke folks. This is her saying WTFU NOW before I release the Hell that has no fury on y’all. My heart goes out to all the innocent people effected by the natural disasters of late. And because we are a collective consciousness, it is time for us to ALL wake up and do the next right thing. To be present in the moment. To stop being so concerned with materialism, technology and other bullshit. Our planet is crying and human lives are being lost. STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO! What you better do is learn how to hunt, fish and grow. Learn how to purify water. Learn how to build shelter. Because water doesn’t come from the faucet and food from the store. Because Armageddon seems to be knocking on the door. That’s why… Namasté ~ Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ (All Are Related)

Also posted in ARMAGEDDON, CHURCH, DEATH, Depression, Emotions, Faith, LIGHT, NATIVE AMERICAN, PEYOTE, Religion, SPIRITUALITY Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |