Tag Archives: Alcoholism

CHOOSING THE LEFT

On this, the 2nd anniversary of the day we lost my sister Barb to suicide, I feel like I have a whole lot on my heart to express.

First, I hope the folks reading this who know me and who are opposed to my outspoken progressive nature might realize that my beliefs are not simply liberal, independent or even democratic, yet HUMANITARIAN! And there’s a whole lot of life experience that shaped those beliefs. I’ve definitely chosen the road less traveled in this life and plan to keep doing so.

Barb was such a major influence in and on my life. She was the first born of us 4 girls and 10 years older than I, the youngest. My Mom went through a difficult time with my Dad when I was young so, Barb stepped in as a motherly figure until my late teen years, when I feel like our relationship transformed into a best friendship. She was the one who told me over and over to “just get a dog!” when I called her in a heartbroken state over relationship difficulties or endings. Unfortunately, she never had the opportunity to meet Mona. I know she would have fallen in love with her. Mona won’t be with me forever, but having her has irrevocably changed my life and I will never live without canine love in my life again! Thanks to my sis for the push to rely on the love of an unconditional vs. us flawed humans!

Barb taught me about Spirituality, about trusting my instincts, about determining right from wrong. She taught me how to respect differences of opinion and to engage in intelligent conversation. She also taught me to stand by my morals and ethics and to not take any shit from anyone! She introduced me to the wonderful city of San Francisco where I lived for 18 years after she, her husband and boys, much to her eternal discontent, left it and moved back to NY. I feel so fortunate to have lived in a place where all people were treated with respect no matter their race, creed, color or sexuality. Gratitude is forever etched in my heart and mind for the period of time I was able to enjoy a bohemian life in what I still believe is the most beautiful city in this country, if not the world. There’s good reason behind people proclaiming to have left their heart there. I certainly did.

In 2010, I left San Francisco for many reasons, but mainly because I was planning to get married and move to Europe to be with my long time partner. That relationship fell apart and so did I right along with it. My Spirit was crushed for multiple reasons and being back in Western NY after all those years away, I fell into a deep depression realizing that I was in a place where even though I was rooted/reared for the first 18 and formative years of my life, it felt completely foreign to me. I heard the word “nigger” uttered by an ex-boyfriend and cringed. I heard derogatory remarks about immigrants and gays all the time. I realized quickly that this wasn’t a place I fit in any longer. AT ALL… My life and beliefs had become anything but conservative and DEFINITELY in no way, shape or form racist or feeling as though us pasty whites are or have ever been superior to anyone else!!! Living in major cities like Brooklyn, San Francisco and Oakland for decades will do that to you as diversity abounds and different cultures and colors of skin are cherished, not abhorred. Also, I feel honored and fortunate to have spent ample time with and in Native American ceremonies. It was with the only original inhabitants of our country that I learned how much we MUST have immense gratitude for and cherish and respect our mother earth for she sustains ALL life! Without her health, we are simply going to perish.

My favorite sister and I were estranged for the last year of her life because her illness and drug addiction due to it made her basically unrecognizable to me any longer. The person I knew and loved all those years was a mere shadow of the extremely bright light she used to be. And even though she had attempted suicide once before and lived to be honest with her doctors, they still kept giving her opioids and benzodiazepines like they were candy. Honestly, Barb didn’t take her own life because she was depressed. She was one the most intelligent, funny and upbeat persons I have ever known. The drugs stole her optimism. They stole her energy. She was in constant pain. Most importantly, she felt like she had accomplished what her “why” was in her life by raising her two wonderful sons and seeing them both partnered and happy. It simply was… in her eyes… her time to go… Understanding this all doesn’t take away the pain of missing her every single day, but I do believe she stayed as long as she could considering the condition she was in. It took a lot of courage to do what she did. Unfortunately, it left all of us behind in a lot of pain. Matter not the reasoning behind it, the survivors are always devastated and damaged.

Lastly, I have Barb to thank for my adventurous travel spirit and the ability to just pick up and go. The first time I was leaving the country on a solo adventure from my then home in Brooklyn in 1988 with just a backpack and a ticket to Switzerland where I knew no one, but had planned to travel by train to the then Yugoslavia (now Croatia) to meet my father’s family to find out more about him and our homeland, I will never forget my phone conversation with Barb the night before. I kept telling her I just couldn’t do it, that I was scared to death to get on a plane and go where I knew no one and had no definite plans. She basically said “”A” = short for Aunt) if you don’t get on that plane, I am going to come down there and drag your ass on it!” And so I did. And so I had an amazing adventure. And so I realized that the USA was not the center of the Universe. We are but a speck of dust in a big wide world of interesting diverse people, cultures and places. Travel has been the best education of my life, hence my addiction to it.

As much as I will never regret being near my parents during the last years of their lives and present when they passed, I am definitely ready to go back to the left/West where I feel like I am in good company and surrounded by folks with common PROGRESSIVE beliefs about the importance of diversity and the well being of the planet and it’s inhabitants. If I shall be referred to further as the “radical left,” so be it! I am proud to be a humanitarian and a bohemian with much respect for and thanks to my sister Barb’s influence.

My wish for you Sis is that you are having lots of deep belly laughs wherever you are… maybe hanging with George Carlin? Dad? Mom? Somehow, I know you’re close by.  Just know I plan to live this next segment of my life to the very fullest with you in mind and heart. And definitely NEVER EVER again will I live without a dog! ~Namasté “B”  #BarbaraRuof

Posted in 45, Barbara A Ruof, Barbara Culig, DEATH, Depression, Drug Abuse, ETERNAL LIFE, Hamburg, IGNORANCE, INSANITY OF NOW..., LIBERAL, Radical Left, Rubella Vaccine, San Francisco, SPIRITUALITY, Suicide, Vaccine Damage Also tagged , , , , , , , , |

PULL YOURSELF UP BY THE BOOTSTRAPS

Since 1998, the suicide rate has increased 25% in this country. Mental illness continues to plague our society and it continues to be gravely misunderstood and judged harshly. This week we lost 2 very successful folks who were in the spotlight, yet how many left us that will not make the headlines???

When my sister took her own life last September, I received a few texts from friends who commented on her mental health issues, insinuating that those were the precursor to her tragic act. My first reaction was to defend her, saying it was NOT mental illness that caused her to take her own life. And I have to ask myself, why did I feel the need to defend her mental health so staunchly? My answer is because for the most part in today’s society, depression and anxiety are shunned, thought of as “bad” or something that we possibly have control over. Resources and funding to help the mentally ill are consistently being cut as the disease spreads like a wildfire through America. And the less resources the mentally ill have, the more end up homeless on the street. When I first arrived in San Francisco in 1992, I was astounded how many folks were wandering the streets. By the time I finally left SF in 2010, there were literal camps of homeless below the freeway on 13th street. My heart simply could not take seeing them all on a daily basis. How in the name of all that is GOoD can we call ourselves the greatest nation in the world when these serious problems plague our society?

For many years, I personally suffered from SEVERE depression and anxiety. My depression was SO crippling at times that my good friends who had compassion and an inclination of what I was enduring would come and stay with me, just so I could find an iota of comfort and/or not harm myself. I can’t pinpoint exactly how, why or when my depressive episodes and anxiety lessened. All I can say is that I AM SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL THEY DID because those snippets of hell, those dives into the abyss of unimaginable sadness made me understand exactly why people like Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade hung themselves.

My mother suffered from depression. My grandmother was heavily medicated for 45 years of her life for mental health issues. My great grandfather had my great grandmother committed for her mental health and then he took his own life. So, was(is) my tendency towards depression and anxiety genetic OR as my sister Barb had mentioned often, learned bad thinking? Quite honestly, I’m not sure if there is a definitive answer to the cause of my own disease. I have come to attribute my own depression towards being born ultra-sensitive in a society that doesn’t nurture sensitivity. A great book I read to help understand this was “Self Care for the Self Aware” by Dave Markowitz. I also kept deep, dark secrets for many years. And I also used drugs and alcohol to avert my feelings. Since I ceased using drugs (all street and pharms) and alcohol 18 months ago, my depressive episodes have decreased significantly. AND I attribute my “recovery” to having great counseling as well as digging into those places and secrets held inside that haunted me for years. Most importantly, I became willing to open up and not hide anything any longer, and that included my anger and sadness which I believe turned inward was a huge cause of my blues. I decided that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me or how I chose to live my life any longer. I decided that I was going to unconditionally love myself…. AND get a dog!!! So, my “fixes” may not be permanent, nor may they be yours. The most important thing I can suggest for those suffering is to not be afraid to find some help, to find a compassionate ear and last but not least, DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU TO “PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS”! As a society, we owe this disease a lot more attention. And…. we owe those who suffer chronically from it A LOT MORE COMPASSION.

 

Posted in Alcoholism, DEATH, Depression, Depression, Drug Abuse, IGNORANCE, MENTAL ILLNESS, RECOVERY, SPIRITUALITY, TRAUMA Also tagged , , , , , , |

TIME TO REMEMBER

It’s been a while. It’s been a long while. My fingertips have missed hitting these keys. Anyone who is a writer or knows about writing knows that inspiration is necessary for the words to emerge. I’m hoping that today is a day where my thoughts translate into a message that helps people discover their potential, their passion, their true nature of living as a Spiritual being having a human experience.

A friend posted this meme on Facebook a few weeks back and I hung onto it in essence to bring forth a message of hope to those who are searching for their place in this seemingly crazy world. When I think back about my life as an innocent, before the world told me who I should be, I see a sweet little girl who loved to play with her kitty cat. I see a little girl who LOVED to be outside in nature and fresh air. I see a little girl who absolutely hated to wear a dress and loved to get dirty. I see a little girl who was very in tune with what was around her and very much focused on love. Unfortunately, a lot of what I experienced growing up was not a positive environment for a child to be raised in. This was not my parent’s fault for they did the best they could. I have long ago forgiven them. AND I have learned that life is always what you make of it and that our experiences can either be used to enhance/enrich our life or they can be a deterrent to our growth. I do believe all in life is meant for our growth. When we have what we may perceive as a negative experience, I believe our job is to look beyond what we are disturbed by and question what we can learn from it. My lessons always seem to be around tolerance and patience, two things my mom always accused me of not having enough of 😉 As far back as I can remember, I have always been a rebel. Children of alcoholics are often deemed anti authoritarian.

Back to the meme… We grow up in a society that seemingly already has quite the established structure of what we should do and be in life. I remember knowing as a child that I was artistic; I loved to write, loved to paint, love to sing and play music. I also remember knowing that I would not bear a child. After years of rebellious behavior as a teen, the time came for me to possibly follow suit. Was I going to college? Was I going to get THAT perfect job, get married, build/buy a house, purchase all the proper insurances, have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after enslaved by someone else’s idea of what my life should be? OR was I going to follow my heart and my dreams and live a life that I designed, not one that society designed for me? For many years I struggled with the fact that I did not live in the “norm”. Like George Carlin suggested many times in his comedic routines, I have ALWAYS QUESTIONED EVERYTHING and came to my own conclusions about what worked for me. Once I did my own investigation, I found that my ideals usually didn’t follow what society favored… Nonetheless, I persisted not withstanding many challenging times both emotionally and financially. But I sure learned something from every single experience I had and it has made me the happy and confident person I am today. And although there are many people I know that poo-poo my at times gravely outspoken nature and free-spirited way of living, what matters most is that I AM HAPPY. And as the Buddha said to his students who questioned THE way to happiness… He said, “There is NO way to happiness. Happiness is THE way”! My motto has always been do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting anyone else. So when people ask me what I do, I answer that I work every day to maintain my happiness 🙂

So to all the younger folks who might be reading this, I advise you to FOLLOW YOUR BLISS! Take the time to find out who you were before someone told you who you SHOULD be or what you SHOULD be doing in this life. My advice is to first cut your social media time in half. Throw out your TV and read books about real life people who do real life things to change the world! Don’t focus solely on building the bank account because any wise soul knows that money does NOT, and will never buy happiness. Do what you love and enough money to support your passion will follow. Don’t wait for retirement to travel. Go outside every day and consciously breathe in fresh air. Take a spontaneous road trip. Climb a mountain or swim in the frigid ocean. Take the road less traveled. Watch the sunrise and/or the sunset. Do something/anything that makes your heart sing every day. Life is short. Carve out your own path, be proud of it and NEVER look back!

REMEMBER… Life is a journey, not a guided tour 😉

Posted in Alcoholism, CAREER, CAREER COUNSELING, FOLLOW YOUR BLISS, GOLDEN RULE, Life coach, LIGHT, SPIRITUALITY Also tagged , , , , , , , |

THE INSANITY OF NOW… YOUR SECRETS ARE YOUR SICKNESS

Writing for me is usually spontaneous and inspired by events and/or dreams. It’s as if I wake up one morning and the inspiration is more of a demand. Writing is also very cathartic. For this very reason, I have kept journals most of my adult life. Last time I took to the keyboard to blog was after the Orlando shootings. Granted there have been infinite topics since last year’s entry that should have commanded my derrier to sit in the chair and tap the keys. Maybe I have been speechless? hmmmm… Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows this is highly unlikely because I tend to have a burning necessity to proclaim my truth, to “Speak my mind because it hurts too much to bite my tongue!” Ironically, I am sitting here listening to Chris Cornell’s “Higher Truth” as my fingertips are busy busy. Shall I begin with musings of Chris’ life and death first? Or should it be religion? Or should it be politics? Or should it be awareness? It may all just merge together… round and round she goes… addressing topics people would much rather have their head in the sand about.

CHRIS CORNELL… AND OTHER INSPIRATIONS

There is nothing in my playlist that resembles true “grunge.” There is some Eddie Vedder from the movie “Into the Wild.” That soundtrack was mesmerizing. Eddie’s voice is hypnotic. And I won’t go into depth about what that movie meant to me. Some people think I am crazy for seeing it up to 12 times. Others have accused me of wanting to live like Chris McCandless did. Nah, truthfully, I like my creature comforts way too much! I know many lines from that epic film by heart and scenes for sure. Yes, I know when Chris starts paraphrasing Thoreau, when Rainey jabs at Chris about being an “industrious little fucker” and about the obsession, his desperate NEED to experience being in the middle of the WILD. This is where McCandless and I see eye to eye. There is NOTHING like being in the wilderness without humans to soil the serenity and rawness of it all. The scene in particular that invokes DEEP emotion each time I see it is when Chris is asked by Mr Franz (Hal Holbrook) to be his son as he is finally leaving Southern California to embark on the BIG journey North. A little aside here… back in October of 2011, I ran into Hal Holbrook at Trader Joe’s in Richmond, VA. He was not really trying to be inconspicuous, but it was difficult to recognize him as he was in his “Lincoln” character at the time. As fate would have it, I ended up directly behind him in line. As with other celebrities I have met out in public, I have never been afraid to talk with them as if they are one of us, because most of them really are unless their ego is humongous! I started the interaction with Hal by tapping him gently on the shoulder and telling him that he looked a lot like someone famous from the movies and then I winked 😉  He smiled back and reached out his hand to shake mine. I then proceeded to tell him how taken aback I had been by his role in “Into the Wild.” As the genuine and humble being that I have always assumed he was, he said, “I was completely honored to have been involved with such amazing actors and a genius director in Sean Penn.” I agreed with his assessment of Penn as a director, although when I had met Sean in San Francisco many years earlier, he struck me as a bit of a prick. He’s got a reputation to uphold.

Back to Chris, depression and addiction… There were a few songs of Chris’ that I loved and “Higher Truth” was one of my favs. I also am fond of “Seasons” and “Like A Stone.” Other than those three songs, I hadn’t known much about Chris or his life, career and/or tendencies towards severe depression. I DID know he was sober, but I didn’t know he was taking Ativan. After all, most folks who claim to be “sober” do not take dangerous and highly addictive drugs like Benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, Vallium, Serax) which were developed initially to be used to assist immediately with crippling anxiety attacks, not to be taken in high doses on a daily basis.  Those drugs can also be an easy “gateway” back to alcohol. Using both in combination can be lethal. And trying to withdraw suddenly from either can also be lethal. You might ask how I know this?

CO-OCCURRING… MENTAL HEALTH AND ADDICTION

After my mom passed away in April of 2015, I fell into a DEEP depression. I wasn’t working at all and could NOT work. (Many did not understand this and judged me and still do. And right here is my middle finger for them!) This particular period of depression AND anxiety was severe and was definitely not the first time in my life I felt this way. One of the only things I was doing was regularly attending 12 step meetings in my hometown, which most times made me want to drive directly to the store to buy a six pack afterwards. Months went by and I finally succumbed to the constant urge to drink. Depression does that. Isolation does that. Hiding your feelings does that. Your sick mind gives you this great idea that you can escape how horrible you are feeling. Sure, that’s true for a few hours, until you wake up the next morning feeling like suicidal hammered dog shit. I can’t remember when I REALLY lost my sobriety again in 2015, (I’d been at it since March of 2010) but I suspect it was around mid September of ’15. I just remember going to California to pick up Moby the VW van and drinking rather socially there and on the drive back to NY as well. I feel like the relapse could be another blog entirely, but what I will just segue here by saying is that severe depression is not just a “bad attitude,” “negative thinking,” or something that one just get’s over by “pulling ones self up by the bootstraps.” Clinical depression and mental illness are VERY serious diseases that are crippling and debilitating at times. My very close friends who have saved me from intentionally overdosing or jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, know this about me and the disease I have struggled with for many years; having remembered my first major depressive episode around 7 years old. Nonetheless, eventually we will find out exactly what happened with Chris Cornell. For now, I can testify from my own personal use AND abuse of Ativan, (sometimes up to 6 mgs per day) that it is NOT a drug to be messed with. Withdrawal is excruciating at times and often people develop suicidal thoughts or hallucinations and/or both. During my attempted withdrawal while having been in the supervision of someone who knew very little about withdrawal from benzos, it was suggested when my drugs ran out that I should “tough it out” and “buck up and get through it” if I truly wanted to get off of them fast and forever. If that person only knew what it felt like in my skin and in my brain, they never would have said that. I knew abrupt withdrawal was definitely not the way to get off of them, but I certainly wasn’t thinking clearly and attempted to appease the person who’s company I was in. After three days, going from 3 mg down to nothing, I “toughed it out” alright… right to the ER after 3 nights of insomnia, hallucinations, hot and cold sweats, trembling uncontrollably and feeling extremely suicidal. I couldn’t sleep, eat, drive, or see straight. I sobbed hysterically for hours and used an entire box of Kleenex. Everything I EVER felt negatively about myself, my life, my intimate relationships, was playing right in front of my face on an enormous screen in high definition technicolor with surround sound and looping to boot. I also was in danger of a stroke, seizure, heart attack or all 3. Immediately upon arrival, the ER doc gave me a 2mg injection, and supervised me until I was stable enough to leave. They sent me away with an emergency Rx to get “the devil drug” back in my system until I could find help to properly detox from it. My next step which needed to be accomplished rapidly, was to find an outpatient program and a substance abuse/mental health counselor as well as an MD who would help me withdraw, regularly urine test me, and NOT up my dosage each time I asked like my old doctor did. Needless to say, she is not my MD any longer. Someone was definitely watching over me, (mom) because everything I needed for treatment fell right into place in a mere matter of days. During the withdrawal process, it is suggested that one tapers down VERY slowly because the side effects are brutal. Each time I lowered my dose, I felt the agitation, the irritation, the physical side effects of profuse sweating and palpitating heart etc. Breathing deeply works for a spell. Exercise works ok too. Magnesium L-Threonate and 5HTP at bedtime in HIGH doses works a bit for the insomnia which ensues. Each time I lowered my dose, usually by .25 mg a script, I went through “little pergatory” for a spell before feeling somewhat “normal” or stabilized. My Ativan was initially prescribed much like I assume Cornell’s was, to assist in the withdrawal from alcohol and the anxiety and depression that went along with it. The problem is that the drug is HIGHLY addictive and I should never have been taking more than .5 mg and ONLY when I experienced intense anxiety. During that horrific attempted “cold turkey” withdrawal, I could have wound up like Cornell, but I had the help of incredible professionals and a great support system that has very little to do with traditional recovery or the 12 steps to help me get back on track. The 12 steps have saved lots of lives, but the question is… Aren’t they a bit outdated? Same meetings, same literature, same format, same people, same stories looping over and over again… Needless to say, I’m happy to be pursuing a new career in the recovery field and am pleased to see how it is evolving from archaic ideas that once convinced folks that they were powerless and had to surrender to “God” to help kick their addictions, to a new form of EMPOWERING people to NOT be powerless over anything. Sorry to all you AA-ers, but it never worked for me and now I understand exactly why. Maybe it never worked for Chris Cornell either. My hope is that we are moving into a new age of holistic recovery where safe/recovery houses (that charge 1400 per month to share a small room) and traditional rehabs (that are similar to jails, attempting to brainwash both mentally and physically sick souls into wellness in 30 days) are going to be a thing of the past. Could it be possible that we are moving into a new age where mental illness AND addiction are no longer going to be stigmatized or considered illegitimate health issues? They are probably two of the most serious diseases that get shelved time and again because they have to do with our brain’s function. As a woman friend said in a meeting I attended last week, “If I was sitting here telling a room full of strangers that I was recovering from breast cancer, I would get all kinds of sympathy and love. But here I am saying that I have mental health issues and addiction problems and I am potentially open to being publicly scorned!” Point here??? Recovery IS recovery whether it’s from cancer OR mental health issues and/OR addiction. Depression and addiction are both epidemics of insane proportions in our society and country and they are still being largely ignored… THIS MUST CHANGE QUICKLY IF WE ARE TO SAVE LIVES!

onto more of “THE INSANITY OF NOW”

I don’t know what was going on astrologically in the last 48 hours, but some really whacko shit happened yesterday for sure. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a TRUTH seeker in ALL aspects of my life. Religion or “faith” is often a touchy subject, but politics is NOT, nor should it ever be something “private” for one’s decision to vote, and candidate of choice, effect every single one of us as well as the entire world! I believe many who voted for the garbage currently in office are embarrassed to admit any longer that they did. Those who are still defending 45 are either in denial, delusional and/or #foxnewswashed. More on that particular insanity later… On the topic of religion (some call it faith) my deviation from Catholicism and/or Christianity began about 40 years ago during my evening studies to prepare to make my confirmation after I left Catholic grade school. I told my mother that if she sent me to Catholic high school that she would never see me again, that I would run away and NEVER come back. Recollecting as far back to my first communion, I can remember thinking… “Why am I eating this round thing pretending that it is part of someone’s body?” My parents and peers knew I was a smart child, but my rebellion began when I was asked to confirm my belief in THE messiah. Nope, not me… Don’t ask me exactly why, but I just knew in my gut and my heart that I would rather be skipping my religious education classes and toking a spliff with Larry R behind St Bernadettes. My mother didn’t speak to me for 4 months when I pulled out of confirmation. It was the beginning of an earnest Spiritual quest that continues to be an educational journey each and every day. (If you really want to know about my Spiritual beliefs and about “experiencing God” you’ll have to wait for my blog about being in “church” with the Native Americans in a sundown to sunrise teepee peyote ceremony in Oregon in the summer of 1999. It changed my life FOREVER! If I ever doubted there was a spiritual world beyond this one, I absolutely no longer do.) Basically, for the sake of ending this blog and sticking to the point I am trying to make, I believe in the ENERGY of the Universe that responds to our thoughts and actions to create our reality. I believe in karma. I’m not big on the word prayer, but I do believe in positive thought and sending LIGHT to others when they are in need. Call it prayer if you want to, but prayer connotes religion and I simply don’t do an organized one of those. My belief is that the sooner we start taxing churches, the sooner we will be able to provide health care for everybody, which I believe in today’s modern society should be a right, not a privilege.

Here’s the thing with “faith” – believe anything you want in regards to religion/faith, but #1, just be a good person, damnit. Obey the golden rule and please don’t ever tell me that what I believe is bullshit and I will return the favor. I’ve learned to keep my staunch opinions a bit to myself on this ONE topic! 😉  Last but not least, PLEASE don’t ever try to convince me that something you believe is what I should be believing! As I mentioned to a dear, very long time friend last night, we might all have different ways to get to the LIGHT. We might call the LIGHT different things. But in the end, the LIGHT is LOVE and IMO, GOD IS LOVE. Therefore, my religion is LOVE. My religion is KINDNESS. My religion is TRUTH. And just for the record, the flow chart of determining religions posted on my Facebook yesterday was meant for a chuckle. My most sincere apologies if anyone was offended by it.

TRYING TO COVER UP THE TRUTH ISN’T WORKING ANY LONGER

Last night I had a very heated and reactionary debate with someone who I love a lot that told me to “get a life” when I started talking about the 1% and the corruption in our Republic. (BTW folks, we are NOT a Democracy, we are a REPUBLIC that is SUPPOSED to be run in a democratic fashion.) At least that is how our forefathers intended it to be. Anyway, when the topic of 911 came up and it being an inside job, I was accused of being “crazy.” So be it… bat shit crazy for the TRUTH is what I am! Those buildings were ALL detonated on 911 and there are over 2000 engineers world wide who have testified to this, especially building #7! [Google it if you have the nerve to maybe have your mind altered and blown! Here’s a quick video for starters… 911 Truth Video Can Not Be Debunked.] Say whatever you want about my sanity, but I base my views on FACTS and what I feel in my GUT to be TRUE. If you choose to, it’s your prerogative to stay in the dark, listen to the mass media and to our government telling lie after lie… IN MY OPINION, it’s totally your loss to live behind the veil. If ignorance is bliss, then so be it for the one who refuses to ask questions where questions SHOULD be asked. I’d rather know the ugly TRUTH and get pissed off than hide my head in the sand! The war after 911 made a lot of the 1% a hell of a lot more wealthy. Crazy? I don’t think so. Human life over $/oil? Nope, remember that Michael Jackson song, “They Don’t Really Care About Us?” Bingo! that is our government. As the dearly departed George Carlin once said, “QUESTION EVERYTHING!”

Ok, nearing an ending on this one. Reflecting on the last two days, maybe my internal unrest and exterior conflict on this was triggered by watching the miniseries “The People v OJ Simpson – An American Crime Story.” If anyone hasn’t seen it yet, it is gripping and truth telling and spine chilling. Anyone who has known me since childhood knows that I was a huge “Juice” fan when he played for Buffalo. In 1975, my brother-in-law took a beautiful portrait of OJ in the locker room with a nappy head after just removing his helmet. He enlarged it and took it back the next home game for OJ to personally autograph it for me. It was matted and framed and gifted to me on my 11th birthday. It read “to Susie, all my best, OJ Simpson #32.” I still have it packed away somewhere, although I really don’t know why because the knowledge that he got away with BRUTAL murder makes me want to vomit to this day. To have watched my childhood idol and his attorneys lie their asses off and pull a race card to get him off, while somehow being able to sleep at night, reminds me much of what is currently going on in our “government” except on a MUCH larger and horribly corrupt scale. The American people will continue to be victims of the murder of our civil liberties until #WETHEPEOPLE get out there and take this government down. I’m not just talking about impeachment, I am talking about a total 2 party abolishment and a government that WORKS FOR THE PEOPLE, not just the 1%.

OK, off my soapbox now… To answer the looming question, I am still sober and intend to live out the remainder of my life as such and hopefully help others come back from the abyss of mental health issues and addiction. They do go hand in hand 95% of the time. Feel free to leave ANY comments or opinions if you wish. Rest assured “The Insanity of 45” is coming soon 🙂  Namasté


Posted in 1%, 45, DEATH, Depression, Depression, Drug Abuse, Election 2016, Faith, INSANITY OF NOW..., Occupy District of Criminals, RECOVERY, Religion, Suicide Also tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |