In Camden, Maine – August 12, 2017. This is actually the first opportunity I have taken to really reflect on my life since leaving SC with Mona on July 16th. It’s been a journey with a wild array of emotions and travel – connecting with new and old friend along the way, and having some experiences that have forced me to close the door on a few folks who I once called friends and family. That is always tough… AND I wake up every day grateful for my clarity, my sobriety and the person I see emerging inside after many years of suppression, denial, and living in fear. Each day, I learn to like and love that person inside of me more and more. To me, that is the first essential step in recovery/healing… to really start to value one’s own existence, not with a sense of arrogance, but in a manner of self worth/esteem where one can see one’s own value and how we can be of service to our fellow planetary inhabitants, 2 and 4 legged, as well as our beloved planet.
Over the years, I have often been perceived as cocky, self-righteous, opinionated, judgmental etc… No one really could have known how extremely low my own self-esteem was when accusing me of one or all. Yes, I do have strong opinions AND I know that my opinions are usually formulated by my own personal experiences with the situations within’ which I express myself. My life has not been hypothetical, rather quite the opposite. My extensive journeys over the years have brought me often to places of great challenge and learning. In the end, every single one, matter not how painful or blissful, has brought me to a greater awareness of how this thing we call life, a soul having a human skin experience, does indeed work.
For here and now, I will say that I immensely grateful to be WHO I am today, to be seeing the world through new eyes, yes the old photographically trained ones, but through a new and immense sense of gratitude for simply being alive and breathing each day and to also not be afraid to let go of people and places that do not serve my highest good any longer. Of course, it is painful on some level to let go of both friends of longevity and even my own blood family members, but it is a necessity to not interact with those who can possibly fan the ashes of my torched demons that kept me imprisoned in a dark inner cell for many years of my life.
Truly this journey of awakening (not only for those in “recovery” but for each and every single one of us) is absolutely about living one second/minute/hour/day at a time. The more we can live in the moment, the more we can appreciate the immense gift of being alive as humans on this beautiful planet in this lifetime.